>>> Leaving flowers at your doorstep...

... was not what I originally planned.

It was something that I wanted to do.

For you.

Honestly, I don't care what your father thinks. He is entitled to his opinion. But, no one was home. And I'm not a stalker to track you down and give you flowers. So, frankly...

... I only care what you thought about it.

You're more than welcome. As far as I'm concerned, you deserved the flowers. I hope they made you feel better and cheered you up. And, please, I know that I don't have to buy flowers for you anymore. But it's not like it was mandatory in the first place, y'know.

I wanted to give you flowers so I got them for you.

Simple, non?

But the fact that you actually can wonder why I would do something like that?

I'm sorry, but that's just a little ridiculous.

Not to be rude or anything like that, but what on earth is going through your head? Why do you think that I did!?

Not to sound Jedi- or Sensei-like, but search your heart.

And you will know why.

>>> Ah, realizations...

... sometimes come too damn late.

ANYWAYS, I've resolved to not be a WUSS nor a pushover in any way.

Some people just learn late, I reckon, late bloomers, ey?

Better late than never.

Laters.

>>> I want to...

... scream it out in the open!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

GODDAMMIT!!!

I MISS YOU!!!

A LOT!!!

MORE THAN A LOT!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

*clears throat*

And you know who you are.

Not knowing how you are, what you're doing, where you are or anything tears a small strip in the hide of my sanity. And not because I'm a psycho control freak or stalker, but because I'm worried and still care for you, and I just want to there for/with you, especially when you're down or upset.

Yes, a small little psycho bit of me that wants to be involved in everything 'coz I've almost always been left out of things by most people. Something I'm learning to deal with and not doing too badly at either.

All I know is that I still love you as much as I did, if not more so, a month ago and that is never going to change by my reckoning.

And I realize that something that I said to you a while ago was a terrible thing to say. It is NOT horrible that I still love you. It was horrible that you were breaking up with me and since I am still so much in love with you, the whole situation was horrible. I'm sorry for saying what I said, I didn't mean it that way.

I honestly feel that this whole break-up thing is crap. Devastating, but crap. But that's just me, isn't it?

FUCK.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH, and it's unbelievable. It's ridiculous how I have to hold myself back from even texting you 'coz I'm actually afraid of making you feel worse or angering you even more! It's really frustrating.

And if anyone tells me that I should just forget about you and move on, I will royally freaking YELL at them coz if it was so bloody easy, I would've done so by now because the way it hurts really really really SUCKS. *growls*

I don't know if you miss me, but even if you did, knowing you, you've managed to distract yourself by drowning yourself in school and work so that you end up not thinking about me. *sigh*

I would love to scream and scream and scream till my throat is raw and voice is hoarse but I have to keep it in since "sane" people don't do that kind of thing. Plus, I don't want to freak out my parents and brothers when they're at home nor do I want to disturb the neighbours.

19 more days to go till the end of Radio Silence and then we'll see what kind of [additional] insanity will occur. Pray for safe harbour and happy endings.

_{I wish my drumming skills were a helluva better than they are now, like they were back in the days of high school and poly. Looks like I need classes. Probably when I start working.}

So, to end this torturous entry of emo-ness and verbal spillage...

I MISS YOU!!!

YOUUUUU!!!

>>> Tendrils of madness...

... seep into my mind, attempting to rob me of my sanity.

But it didn't work. Nor is it going to.

EVER.

And I'm proud that I haven't had an anxiety attack for the last month or so. Quite an achievement on my part, if you think about it. Just trying to keep it together, y'know? Boredom and a certain something else doesn't help... but I'm still here, not beat yet.

If ever.

Chanting is helping. And, no, we're not talking about a cult thing at all. My dad's a Sokka Buddhist, so I chant the mantra with him. It helps keep me calm, but I feel really sleepy afterwards. It's a nice buzz-like feeling, too.

I have too much time on my hands, even with my pending assignments. Which has me thinking a bit too much. And I have a plan... a sneaky plan that I hope doesn't get me killed. But I'm not spilling the beans on it, not even if you torture me!

Heh.

Anyways, the weekend was pretty good. Saw Pervalidus, Ghoul, Takezo and Katstep over the weekend, on different days.

Ghoul is still an amazing person to bounce ideas off of and keeps concepts grounded. Gotta love 'im for that. Thanks to him, the Wordsmiths [name pending] have taken on a new and improved form... and may just see the light of day in a year or so as a full-fledged, developed force not only in terms of miniatures, but in terms of storyline and such. *grins*

_{I miss Her terribly and I really don't care what others say about who ever cares less in a relationship has the most power and what-not. The Bottom Line is that I still bloody well love Her and always will... and I'm trying not to let that consume me in any way.}

Well, I got to go. The Dogs need to go for their regular nocturnal walkabout so guess who drew the short straw?

Laters.

^{Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.}

>>> A small triumph...

... in a sea of loss.

Finally found a t-shirt of mine that has been missing for almost a whole year. Is really one of my favourites and is really nice to look, thanks to the gold leaf print of the elephant-headed God Ganesh and the Sanskrit looking wording on the back that states the "brand".

Bloody amazing that I've finally found it.

And it reminds me of Her, too, so it's kind of a double-edged deal. But it's okay, really, fond memories are attached to it anyway.

So, I'm off to spend the day at home in an unproductive manner as it is possible to achieve.

Even if I still have assignments to finish.

Irresponsible of me, innit?

*laughs*

>>> Another day passes...

... and it's an endless cycle, isn't it?

Not a day goes by without me thinking of and missing Her, truly and with no fabrication. 'Tis strange to not really know how she is getting on and truly sad that I believe that I possess a much higher opinion of her than she most probably and undoubtedly has of me. Even as I type, I feel my face caught up in a sad, crooked smile with wistful eyes.

I still believe, perhaps foolishly, that there is still hope for a happy ending of sorts. Though, perhaps, as I have said and thought before, I may be fooling myself almost completely.

To think that things would have come to this.

*deeply sad sigh*

By the by, the last few days have been busy and somewhat good, though marred by slight melancholy on my part. I am still grateful for my friends and family standing by my side through the trials of truly troubling times: Pervalidus, Takezo, Katstep, Nani, Ash, Cha-Cha, Shan, Ashvin and the rest. You advice, words and care keep me upright and mobile, and for that I am very thankful.

Well, I'm off to bed for some rather well-deserved slumber after staying up with my dear mother to watch "North & South" on the television.

Long live the BBC and their 'period' series. *smiles*

Cheers!

>>> Yet another one...

... and I might be on a roll.

Listening to the Goo Goo Dolls can prove to be inspiring and my thoughts have to go somewhere, so here it goes, for whoever to see and read. This is how I'm feeling at the end of this day. You can't blame me for this. Period.

Stepped into a crowded room full of empty faces,
had a meaningful conversation laced with lies,
a night out with friends who are never seen again,

A familiar place that feels so strange and alien,
Found a lit walkway that leads to places so dark,
Walking among the crowd but feeling lost and alone.

Trying so hard, trying to be so brave and strong,
but the cracks start to show and bleed through,
defenses down and powerless, wading in the gloom.

Oh, God, take me home, filled with holes or in pieces,
it doesn't matter, doesn't matter at all,
just bring me home to my love and heart's hearth.

Holding on till I can find you and where I belong.

And for those of you who would like to listen to the track that inspired this...

Peace out.

>>> Out I go...

... to meet one of my best friends.

Too bad that I'll be meeting her almost right next door to where She works. It's such a temptation to just drop by or walk by to see her. But I'm resisting the urge. I don't want to cause an incident or scene... or be called a stalker.

Well, off to skate.

Laters.

>>> Eleven in the morning...

... and there's no one to talk to.

It's been a while since I composed anything, poem, haiku or otherwise...

Blogged out feelings and shot up heart-strings,
sick to the core and turning inwards some more,
tell me what do you do when your life lets you go?

Walking old lanes of memory with a body shimmery,
taking a trip down in time for no reason or rhyme,
to lose thy mind to much pain and sadness yet again?

One woman was all one needed and yet standing unheeded,
Left in dust, without trust and doomed to ever rust,
the heart's been wrung and the end the bell has rung.

Nevermore to live and love,
on sweet wings of a dove.
'Tis enough, it is done.

If not Her, then no other.

... and that's some declaration of intent.

Or is it?

>>> Sick to the pit of my stomach...

... and I have no idea why.

I haven't eaten anything wrong, nor anything that I'm allergic to. And yet I have this sick, cold lump in the very pit of my stomach. It makes me queasy and very uncomfortable. And it brings on a phase of humming at random. As in, I end up humming really strange, random tunes.

And it doesn't help that I question my sanity when that happens. Why? Because when the humming starts, it feels as though my sanity is hanging out in the air, scrabbling at the cliff's edge with its fingernails and trying its very damned best, desperately, to avoid falling down into a deep, dark void where the ocean should be.

Or at least, that's the closest I can get to explaining, with some graphics, what it feels like.

And it doesn't make sense.

Since I have no idea why I feel like that, at all, in the first damn place.

And since I have no idea how to get rid of it, I'm stuck with it.

Feck.

>>> Mom's home...

... and it's good to have her back.

And yet...

And yet...

... I still feel unnaturally incomplete. It's such a strange feeling and I'm still not used to it. Not too difficult to figure out why, though no one can really do anything about it. Only thing to be done is to wait and see, and try not to be miserable while time crawls on its way.

Bloody hell, I HATE the month of June.

Why do bad things always happen in June???

Bloody, bloody hell.

At least mom is home.

Now to await the opening shots of the gunthroat!

*chuckles*

>>> Slumber...

... would've been a nice escape.

If it wasn't for the nightmares and equally weird dreams of my usual normal variety.

*Sigh*

Doesn't matter whether I'm sleeping more nowadays, it's just not restful. The Dreaming has me waking almost as equally exhausted as when I went to sleep.

And I'm still mildly insomniac, which means I have to be completely exhausted so I can just drop asleep. Which doesn't seem to help with the dreams. Not at all. I mean, I virtually black out from exhaustion, but my mind picks up [sometime] in the middle of it, catching a ride on the Dreaming Express.

And it's not pleasant at all, most times.

And I really don't care if She's reading this, I don't care if it gives her more "power", but I need to say this and bloody well will: I bloody well MISS Her. She was my best friend, my cheerleader, my lover, my partner and, quite a lot of the time, my protector.

I miss her being around and I miss the times we spent together. And in the case of my dreams, she waking up to calm me down. Or I waking up in a state, and then just looking at her sleeping peacefully slowed down my racing heart. Or calling in the morning and talking about it, the two of us discussing how weird the dream was and that it was just a dream.

*Sigh*

Sleeping would be a great escape IF I could sleep, without the dreams, without the negative feelings and it would help in cutting down the forays into the kitchen to eat.

On another note, I need more cigarettes... I keep running through my packs at an alarming rate. Which is not good at all.

So sleep would cut down the need for that, too.

I just wish sleep was easy to come by.

A good morning to you all.

>>> One more arrow...

... to pierce the heart.

Well, things move on and on, the world doesn't stop spinning when things go wrong, so I'm going to keep on going.

Even if I have to endure "radio silence" with Her for a month. I survived two weeks, what's another month, right? It'll be over before I know it.

And as long as I have my friends and family around me, I can make it through.

Just have to look after myself, realize my own self-worth once again and become a properly responsible person. It'll take time, but I'll do it.

For now, I'll concentrate on completing my schoolwork, finishing my course and hammering my apprenticeship at some VWO or the other.

Then I'll settle my employment, preferably by the end of August and start my own savings. I never want to be broke again.

On another note, I never want to see another chicken wing, fried or otherwise, ever again!!!

Laters

>>> So, it moves on...

... but to where, no one knows.

Saw her yesterday morning. Talked for two hours. Poured my heart and soul out. Smoked way too much. And all for a small ray of hope, if what I heard was right.

But, it's still over.

Heartbreak... is painful.

And that's an understatement.

BUT I got to hold her one last time. She hugged me like she used to and told me that "everything's going to be okay".

I believe her.

I still do.

It'll just take time for the pain to go away.

Though I wish that it'd go away NOW.

>>> The tears flow...

... and the mind is in a fix.

I can't stop thinking of her at all, it's damn nigh impossible. Even while around my friends, I just need a single quiet moment and I'll be thinking of her. And there are too many things around me that remind me of her.

I just cut my toenails and I'm remembering how she pampered me with a pedicure. And not just once, but TWICE. That memory linked to all the times that she kept reminding me to cut my toenails which then went back to the time when she was feeling down and I let her paint my toenails black.

And the tears just flowed.

This keeps happening too damn often.

I'm not a wreck.

I'm just very crushed.

It's too consuming. And it hurts more than breaking bones or being cut open. It's an amazingly horrible feeling.

I'm not sure if there's even a glimmer of hope of getting back together, but there just may be one in the distance, at the end of this long, dark, vertical tunnel that I find myself trying to climb out of. I will make it out eventually, I reckon.

I can't blame her for leaving. Perhaps, if I were in her shoes, I would do the same. She was just doing what's best for her. But even then....

... it doesn't change the fact that I'm heartbroken.

At the bottom of it, I love her too much and can't stop thinking of her at all.

Wonder how long before I end up in an asylum - or hell - in a straitjacket.

>>> It's a tough time...

... and I don't know exactly how I feel.

Or maybe I'm not sure how to express it properly.

I'm sitting at home, I'm talking to a friend on the phone and I find myself feeling down and alone.

I miss HER.

I cannot get it wrapped around my head that She doesn't love me anymore and how could something like that actually happen... it hurts.

It really fucking hurts.

My heart feels like it has fled the scene with a bloody trail behind it, my body seems to be running like an automaton and going through the motions, my mind feels like it's reeling like a drunkard after a nightlong binge after a month's abstinence, and my soul feels like it's cut down the middle and torn to shreds.

And I can't even give up on Her at all, in any way.

The only positive thing about this is that I'm not a wreck like last year and that I don't have tons of people who call up to abuse me and blame me completely for the break-up.

The small circle of friends that I have now are very supportive and ring me up to check on how I'm doing and advise/counsel me. Some of them can't believe that this is happening and have said things about her, though they may be true, that have me immediately jumping to her defense.

I can't help it.

I'm still very much in love with Her and I can't stop.

And the world is not helping with the constant reminders of Her EVERYWHERE that I go with almost EVERYTHING that I do. And it's so bittersweet since it brings a smile to my face at the memories but a sadness to my eyes that drives down all the way to my soul.

And my friends can see it.

I'm allowed to grieve. I'm allowed to feel hurt.

But I shouldn't have to be going through this AGAIN.

Especially not after 18 months of love, drama and challenges. Not after all the other things in my past.

I am NOT better off with someone else. I may come out of this stronger and better as a person, but it makes NO difference in the end.

Why?

Because who will be there to share in the joy and pride of succeeding at the end of it?

At the end of it all, we're alone. But the journey to that end should be with someone at your side.

I've lost Her... and IT HURTS LIKE HELL.

NELL, MY DARLING PURPLE LADY, I STILL LOVE YOU.
^{And always will.}

But can someone please stop the pain?

Please?

>>> I would like...

... more sleep please. Rawr.

And I would like some Purple in my life.

STAT.

*sighing turns into yawning*

Too damn early in the morning. Have to go to school though.

Another few days. Little bit anxious.

Time... will tell.

Laters...

>>> Shooting one's self in the foot...

... seems to be a really bad talent of mine.

YEESH.

In trying to be fair or just by not watching what I say, I end up doing it to myself all the time... sometimes I wonder how the hell I can manage to balance with my foot shoved so far down my throat.

*sigh*

Three days left to go, and I'm amazed at how I've managed the last eleven days. Probably due to the friends that've stood by me. Thank the GODS for them being around. I don't have to mention names, you know who are.

I miss Purple, I really do. No idea how things are going to turn out, but the chips will fall where they will. The ball's in her court and so's the power. All I have right now, and all I can do, is hoping and praying.

Doesn't stop me from being somewhat nervous and apprehensive.

But at least my gut isn't shrieking with alarms going off in the background, so that has to mean something better than bad, at least.

So, for now, like the past few days, I'm just doing what I have to do. For myself.

*shrug*

Que sera, sera.

_{In other news: My baby brother installed Mass Effect 2 on my laptop. HAHA!!! Finally something better to play ion my laptop than Bejeweled!!! =3}

>>> Hollow...

... and hallucinating?

I haven't been watching a lot of Bleach of late, and yet I keep seeing Hollows everywhere this morning. Probably too much smoking.

No, I'm not talking about the cleaning fluid nor am I smoking any weed or hallucinogens.

I think my body is just too damn tired.

Not too sure why, though, since my insomnia is easing off a bit and I am getting quite a bit of sleep recently.

And does anyone else hate uncertainty as much as I do?

*sighs*

Not knowing what's going on or what's going to happen really pisses me off, but I right now, I feel a little hollow.

Perhaps somewhat apprehensive?

Oh, well. Not much I can do about it, at the moment, I reckon. Everything's up in the air and they'll fall where they will, when the time comes.

*shrugs*

Still slogging my way through school assignments, but somehow managed to squeeze in reading Questionable Content and managed to finish it from the start through all its 1000+++ strips till the latest one. Kind of a achievement, but rather hollow if these assignments get the better of me.

Well, back to work...

... or to getting a break from working on them.

Whichever sounds better.

_{And I really miss someone and could definitely use a hug right about now.}.

>>> No idea...

... for a title.

And here I am, the mild insomniac, sitting on my couch and unable to fall asleep. My neck aches like there's something caught in the crook of it on the port side, my body feels lethargic in general, I would kill for sexxx and I would like to sleep, seriously.

Well, that's the whining out of the way.

I've got my new specs and they cost a bomb. First time that I'm wearing such expensive glasses, cost mom 220$, it was so surprising. And they look like Oakleys!!! How rad is that? *grins*

Hung out with Bruce today, met up with Nani and ran into Eldred. Pretty good times in all for today.

Oh, and the new *SCAPE is like a mini-mall... and a traceur's and/or streethlete's wet dream come true in one spot.

Well, off to puff, see y'all on the flipside.

>>> Some validation...

... is always good.

Met up with two of my old squadron buddies today who I haven't seen in almost two years. It was great to see them, really, even better to hear that, and I quote, "that I haven't changed at all", unquote.

You have no idea how happy that made me. I feel really validated in saying that I've changed back to my old self, the more confident and assured me.

Heh. Eat that, S******ks, you have not destroyed me! I will rise once again!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ahem...

... ANYWAYS, moving on.

Ron and Eddie, also known as BlurTwo and LameOne [haha!], were pretty cool today. Awesome time hanging out and just laughing after filling each other in on what's been happening in our lives over the last two years. They even treated me to Pepper Lunch, which was awesome, coz I was so FULL after it.

Oh, and Ron got a piercing someplace unmentionable in polite company, haha! Done at Primitive in Far East.

And getting to see the wonderful people at my old store was nice. Especially Silas, Cash, Shermeen, Nani and Wani. Especially Nani, who's my sister from another mother. It was so good to see her. And Wani had some amazing advice that I'll keep in mind.

To end off the day, I hung out at Bruce's place and watched TV with him and Mrs H.

Mrs H makes the most AWESOME sandwiches and has the most amazing amount of knowledge. Seriously, I'm overtanked now after TWO mincemeat with cheese wholemeal sandwiches.

And she also put forth the idea that I've not been at my best over the last coupla years 'coz of my hectic schedule and sleep deprivation as lack of sleep in significant amounts can change a person's behavioural patterns, in alarming ways, significantly. Something to think about since it means that I might have to find wways to get more sleep.

All in all, a pretty decent day, good in fact.

I'm ready for another day.

SAA IKOUZE!!!

>>> Now this is...

... rather strange.

I never though that I'd ever find myself in my room with the lights off and on my laptop, just reading webcomics until I felt the urge to blog.

I have a major headache and the having my computer screen as the only source of illumination is not helping. Yet I can't be bothered to do anything else.

*sighs*

I don't quite think that I'm moping, but I'm not exactly not doing it, either.

Somewhere in between, like stasis or limbo, I guess.

And I have no idea why I'm typing about this when I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this or even cares about it. And I'm not saying this out of a pathetic need for attention or anything along those lines.

Oh, well, life goes on.

>>> Buried by work...

... but worried about someone else.

I really don't know if Purple is reading my blog, but on the off-chance that she is...

... please call me if you're feeling alone and everything!!! I'm worried about you. I really am.

But I'm too scared of what might happen if I made the first move, even though I really would like to speak with you and know that you need someone right now.

That's all.

>>> Almost daily postings...

… just because I need somewhere to put down the things in my head.

Well, it's true.

You'd be surprised what you'd do when you have no one to talk to about what's running around in your head. Especially when you find yourself alone. So, yeah. It's a weird feeling when one's been pretty much used to having people around all the time.

And right now, I just feel rather numb, like all over, in and out. Woke up that way, too, which is weird since that kind of thing should have worn out over course of the day.

Cold, as well, with my skin feeling like the fresh powder of winter on its first few days as you scoop it up and let it sift through your fingers. Too bad I forgot my sweater, it might have helped alleviate the feeling some. It's probably the weather since it's been pretty much all over the place during the last couple of days.

All that aside, I feel rather calm, strangely enough. Amazingly calm, in fact.

It's a strange feeling.

However, it's not unwelcome. Calmness is a good thing, by my reckoning.

My nose is starting to look like a battlefield of scabs so I hope that I get my specs done soon. The metal frame keeps lacerating the sides of my nose which is bloody irritating. Not only that, but my headaches are even more frequent now due to the skewed vision my tilted frames are providing. Looks like I have to really get them today since the last two days were pretty much 'F41L'. Oh, well, such is life?

Well, here's to another day, seems like everything else is pretty much normal.

Grind on.

_{9th June, 2010}
^{Wednesday @ 1557h}

>>> Congratulations...

... and much merriness and joy are in order.

Looks like Purple's an aunt again, which is awesome.

Yeap, her cousin's wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Another beautiful soul and life brought into this world to make it a brighter place.

I send my heartfelt congratulations and wishes of much happiness to her and her family.

*grin*

It really is awesome news.

Hope the baby girl grows up loving rock music!

'Nuff said.

I'm out to smoke~!

>>> Why do some women...

… look so badass with a nose-ring?

Some of them just do. Really. I reckon that it might have something to do with the way that they carry themselves and/or with the looks on their faces. But I really don't know, honestly.

And I'm only mentioning this because I saw this youngish lady on the train a while ago, and she looked really badass, nearly downright deadly, with a nose-ring. *shrug* Just one of those things I notice at odd times, I guess.

And while thinking about that, it got me thinking about an unrelated track.

If good girls like bad boys, is it safe to say that good boys like bad girls, in a near direct vice versa way?

And if such a hypothesis is true, what constitutes a 'bad girl'? Is it the presence of tattooes? Piercings? Dress sense? Bad attitude? Actions?

An interesting concept or idea to explore and discuss, but at a later point, I reckon. Unless you lot want to open it up right now, I really don't mind. *smiles*

Anyways, today has been rather dull apart from meeting Ashwin, a junior of mine from school who's the same age as me, for lunch. It was pretty good, really. He had a really good listening ear and gave me some advice that I'll definitely keep in mind for later. He complimented me on my ability to talk/speak, even if he was kind of trying to recruit me as a financial consultant (read; insurance agent).

But he respects my determination to enter the community and social services sector. The salary may not be exactly fantastic, but it should be enough and, let's face it, the system needs people to help [re]build it. And building it is going to be a challenge, seriously. But who doesn't like a challenge, eh?

Plus, there's the whole issue of the backward thinking and ignorance of the population as well as the sheer numbers of people who need help. Someone's gotta do it. I'm in this to help people.

And let's not forget that there's the whole thing about pursuing a degree [program] in Counselling. I'm planning on using my upcoming career as a springboard to getting into it, as well as time to research into which university would be best for it. I aim to be enrolled in the Art Therapy masters program by the time I'm 37, 38 at the latest.

However, I'll keep my options open. You never know, I might have to fall back on something else someday later.

Well, I'll have to get started again on finishing the last 75% of my assignment after I e-mail my lecturer about a stalled assignment and the student administrator about replacement classes as well as the attachment.

Speaking of which, I'm heading down to the Singapore Children Society (SCS) Youth Center tomorrow to enquire about the possibilities of an attachment/internship with them.

Cross your fingers and pray for me.

I'm gonna nail it somehow.

Laters, Gaters!

>>> Well, now that's...

... interesting and rather stupid.

I'm once again sitting in Takezo's place and semi-chilling out. Yeah, his crib is becoming a sanctuary of sorts.

I'm feeling somewhat better than I was this morning.

How?

I'm putting down whatever I read to the early stages of the situation I find myself in. And if I take what I saw at face value, then whatever I'm hoping and praying for is over which would in turn mean that I'm over and done.

So, taking it in stride and riding the wave.

I'll go where it takes me and hope for the best.

Oh, and class was pretty much cancelled due to the absence of a teacher. At least I have the notes and the assignment already. So, I'll see what the school says later.

Well, it's back to the grind of completing school assignments.

Laters.

>>> Sometimes, you'll wish...

... that you hadn't seen some things.

Well, my morning has been fucked by simply looking at something.

It's crushing.

And feels like deja vu.

FUCK.

Sometimes, it feels like no matter what you do, you lose in the end.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

I hate this.

And now I have to rush to school when I don't feel like it at all now.

Maybe, I'll leave halfway.

Or something.

We'll see.

>>> On the Fourth Day...

… the Frost.

And the title has nothing to do whatsoever with anything at all.

Really.

It was just something that I read somewhere, once many years ago. I think it was when I was in Aussie... and it has something to do with Shakespeare. I'll have to look it up sometime.

It got your attention, though, didn't it?

ANYWAYS...

I'm currently sitting in Takezo's car while we're heading back to his place to finish up assignments.

It's been a very eventful, and quite painful-slash-traumatizing [to be honest], past two weeks. Still somewhat reeling, still recovering and still a little angry. However, I'm taking everything in my stride.

I'll survive and be alright.

After all, it's my choice, ain't it?

So, I choose the path I wish to walk, regardless of the thorns along the way. The only way out is death, and that's never been an option. I know where I want to go and I'm walking along the way I want to go.

So, here we go, onwards and upwards, scaling and clearing the obstacle-like titanic mountains in our way.

With a fecking nuclear-powered mega-bazooka of epic proportions to blast it out of the way. HA!

It's been a tiring past week, but good, in ways. Even with the late nights, staying up with friends till almost five in the morning. At least, I'm getting sleep since no one wakes me till about 12ish, possibly past one in the afternoon.

Wednesday brought a glimmer of hope that something will work out for the best, though it was one of the hardest things that I'd ever had to do. I just pray that time really will help and heal all things.

Thursday brought some joy since Purple was thinking of me, having thought of something that may help me out of a certain situation. If only what she suggested was allowed. Oh, well. But it's the thought that counts, in more ways than one. Stayed out late with Takezo at his crib, trying to finish my schoolwork, but kept stalling and ended up providing some quick help to Takezo on some portions of his school work.

Friday was pretty much more of the same, waking up late, surfing Facebook and chatting with friends over the phone. Ate pretty well, too. Angel and Dubis have been amazing friends, as they've always been, being HUGE pillars of support. Just like Takezo and Katstep. Funny how some of my support happens to come from married couples who are seriously committed to each other. Oh, well, carrying on...

Saturday was the BOMB. Slacked at home when I wasn't doing household chores, which was pretty good. Still thinking of how to install games on my laptop, though, I'd love to play FPSes and stuff on it. Heh. But I digress.

Since Mr Potato's heading off to Melbourne on a permanent basis next Sunday, Dubis and Angel held a farewell party at their crib for him. It was a small affair, being just Angel, Dubis, Potato, Whitewolf and myself. It was awesome, Angel having cooked so much food that we basically polished off in a small percentage of the time that she took to cook them! Bloody delicious, honestly. We proceeded to have a couple of drinks, of the alcoholic persuasion. Hee!! Awesome stuff while watching Kick-Ass, which was bloody dumb at some points, with a somewhat cliché ending. Still good stuff, since the geek gets the popular girl in the end. I am a geek, after all.

Takezo and Katstep picked me up later on, and I hung out with them for quite a while. Learnt some distressing news, too, which has me declaring undying enmity to Katstep's horrible family. Do not ask me what they've done, it's a long, terrible list. -___-

Ended up listening to Takezo vent, which is a good thing since it's better than holding it all in. And got to play a bit on the PS3, too, which was awesome.

Oh, and I learned that it's never a good thing to let your thoughts wander while shaving. Why, you may ask?

Well... I sliced a small bit of skin off of my chin-slash-jawline. OWCH.

Which brings us to today.

I'm no longer in Takezo's car, having left his place a while ago. Now, I'm stuck being up to finish up my assignments which are due in tomorrow.

Today has been rather strange, but I've got through it and I finally ate at Botak Jones today. Their Massive burger is AMAZING. Like freaking A-MAZING!!!

Seriously.

Many thanks to Takezo and Katstep once again for dinner!

Unfortunately, a part of my spectacles snapped off this morning when I was wiping it... ah, well, looks like Purple gets one of her wishes since she's wanted me to get a new one for a while now, haha! Have to do it tomorrow, and just hope that I can make it to the shop in time after class!

Anyway, time is ticking. It may go slowly when you don't want it to, but it doesn't wait for anyone, so I gotta hammer away at my schoolwork before I run out of time and energy.

Laters, Gaters.