... of not much import.
Or so it seems.
Read on, MacDuff, read on.
They were Hunters, lean and well-meaning.
'Twas a Stag, frustrated and fatigued.
They laid in wait.
It walked in unknowning.
They sprang to the attack.
It fled, twisting and leaping.
They hunted without pause.
It backed into a corner.
They stood ready, unflinching. It submitted to Its end, a bloodless death, shot through to Its heart. A plaintive cry upon Its lips as It fell.
"Maketh not promises not easily kept, for such are empty and akin to the broken."
And so ends a tale of not much import.
Alas, there is not much more.
A good night to you, Lords and Ladies.
Good night.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
>>> Ridiculous...
... and it can't keep happening.
NO MORE DEBATES, ARGUMENTS AND FIGHTS OVER STUFF THAT SHOULDN'T BE A HUGE ISSUE.
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG WITHOUT ALL THIS UNNECESSARY BIZ!?
NO MORE, NO MORE!
I CAN'T!
I JUST CAN'T!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
*wants to die under a rock*
NO MORE DEBATES, ARGUMENTS AND FIGHTS OVER STUFF THAT SHOULDN'T BE A HUGE ISSUE.
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG WITHOUT ALL THIS UNNECESSARY BIZ!?
NO MORE, NO MORE!
I CAN'T!
I JUST CAN'T!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
*wants to die under a rock*
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
>>> Interesting...
... are the interests that I have.
I blame the Doc for my interest in furs. Trust me, it's the most amazing feeling to be lying on furs with a loved one. *snickers*
But I don't know who to blame for my fascination with corsets and seeing women in them. *laughs* I think that every woman should have at least one.
That is all for this random bit of confessional posting.
As you were, carry on!
I blame the Doc for my interest in furs. Trust me, it's the most amazing feeling to be lying on furs with a loved one. *snickers*
But I don't know who to blame for my fascination with corsets and seeing women in them. *laughs* I think that every woman should have at least one.
That is all for this random bit of confessional posting.
As you were, carry on!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
>>> God...
... has a magic eight ball.
And I swear that he uses it to mess about with everyone and everything.
I'm sitting in TP and watching a close friend lose his marbles, bordering on a hysterical breakdown of epic proportions.
And I'm pissed off for some strange reason.
And yet Plasticated, Pervalidus, Purple and myself are still able to laugh.
Strange.
And I swear that he uses it to mess about with everyone and everything.
I'm sitting in TP and watching a close friend lose his marbles, bordering on a hysterical breakdown of epic proportions.
And I'm pissed off for some strange reason.
And yet Plasticated, Pervalidus, Purple and myself are still able to laugh.
Strange.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
>>> Hugs are magical...
... and falling asleep on a couch is commonplace.
Yes, hugs are magical.
Just think about it for a couple of minutes and you just might see why.
And, yes, I fell asleep on my couch again. Thankfully, this time around, I didn't wake up with an aching back or neck or whathaveyouwhatchamacallitblahblah.
*laughs*
And I want to travel the world.
With someone.
And maybe take it over, too, while we're at it, haha.
Yes, hugs are magical.
Just think about it for a couple of minutes and you just might see why.
And, yes, I fell asleep on my couch again. Thankfully, this time around, I didn't wake up with an aching back or neck or whathaveyouwhatchamacallitblahblah.
*laughs*
And I want to travel the world.
With someone.
And maybe take it over, too, while we're at it, haha.
Friday, July 17, 2009
>>> I wish that...
... I didn't still miss you.
... I didn't still want you.
... I didn't still need you.
... I didn't still love you.
... I didn't have my demons.
... I hadn't smothered you.
... I wasn't so miserable without you.
... I wasn't incomplete without you.
... I could stop thinking about you.
... I could cease dreaming of you.
... I could let go.
... I didn't feel so alone and lost, even while surrounded by colleagues, friends and family.
... that all the memories would stop flooding me everywhere that I go.
... my mind could move on.
... my heart didn't believe that it can't go on without you.
... my soul didn't feel empty and hollow.
... electric shivers didn't race through me whenever I see or hear you.
... I could call you and hear your voice without going to pieces.
... this wasn't driving me crazy.
... it didn't hurt so damn much.
... I hadn't screwed up.
... I had listened properly.
... I had been the man that you deserved and needed.
... I had the chance to be that man, because I know I can be.
... I could tell you, on bended knees and to your face, how much I love you and how sorry that I am.
... we could try again.
... I talk to you for hours and hours about anything and everything like we used to.
... I could walk up to you, pull each other close, wrapping our arms around each other and soak in our essences till our very beings were filled to bursting and light-headed with our shared love, floating above the world.
... we were lying in bed next to each other, hands entwined as I watch you sleep peacefully, contentment glowing on your face as your luscious hair tickles my face while we're snuggled up together.
... I was safe, cradled in your arms again.
... I hadn't made you feel the way you do now.
... all the terrible things hadn't happened.
... you would give me another chance.
... I knew the right way to go.
... I could make things right.
... I could prove myself to you.
... we were together, as friends, lovers and everything it's possible to be.
I STILL MISS, WANT, NEED AND LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU.
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
I WANT TO BE THE MAN THAT YOU DESERVE.
I KNOW I CAN BE THAT MAN.
I JUST NEED A CHANCE AND TIME.
I WISH FOR A MIRACLE.
I WISH FOR YOU.
I'm going crazy, if I'm not already.
... I didn't still want you.
... I didn't still need you.
... I didn't still love you.
... I didn't have my demons.
... I hadn't smothered you.
... I wasn't so miserable without you.
... I wasn't incomplete without you.
... I could stop thinking about you.
... I could cease dreaming of you.
... I could let go.
... I didn't feel so alone and lost, even while surrounded by colleagues, friends and family.
... that all the memories would stop flooding me everywhere that I go.
... my mind could move on.
... my heart didn't believe that it can't go on without you.
... my soul didn't feel empty and hollow.
... electric shivers didn't race through me whenever I see or hear you.
... I could call you and hear your voice without going to pieces.
... this wasn't driving me crazy.
... it didn't hurt so damn much.
... I hadn't screwed up.
... I had listened properly.
... I had been the man that you deserved and needed.
... I had the chance to be that man, because I know I can be.
... I could tell you, on bended knees and to your face, how much I love you and how sorry that I am.
... we could try again.
... I talk to you for hours and hours about anything and everything like we used to.
... I could walk up to you, pull each other close, wrapping our arms around each other and soak in our essences till our very beings were filled to bursting and light-headed with our shared love, floating above the world.
... we were lying in bed next to each other, hands entwined as I watch you sleep peacefully, contentment glowing on your face as your luscious hair tickles my face while we're snuggled up together.
... I was safe, cradled in your arms again.
... I hadn't made you feel the way you do now.
... all the terrible things hadn't happened.
... you would give me another chance.
... I knew the right way to go.
... I could make things right.
... I could prove myself to you.
... we were together, as friends, lovers and everything it's possible to be.
I STILL MISS, WANT, NEED AND LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU.
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
I WANT TO BE THE MAN THAT YOU DESERVE.
I KNOW I CAN BE THAT MAN.
I JUST NEED A CHANCE AND TIME.
I WISH FOR A MIRACLE.
I WISH FOR YOU.
I'm going crazy, if I'm not already.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
>>> Lupus Manifesto...
... a declaration, of sorts.
Plans laid out don't always hold nor do they last.
More's the pity.
I looked forward to many years with her, to love, to be loved, to share and enjoy life with, to succeed where before I failed, to prove that a bright future is possible and thereby that people are wrong about me and that I can stand up to the tests that come.
Now, that which gave me hope, belief and faith has come to an end.
But, I have to move forward, not only to hold up and prove my potential but to prove the naysayers wrong and to prove my worth to the woman whom I still love.
Even if it drives me nearly insane in the process.
Take a chance, bide the time and then strike.
That is all.
Plans laid out don't always hold nor do they last.
More's the pity.
I looked forward to many years with her, to love, to be loved, to share and enjoy life with, to succeed where before I failed, to prove that a bright future is possible and thereby that people are wrong about me and that I can stand up to the tests that come.
Now, that which gave me hope, belief and faith has come to an end.
But, I have to move forward, not only to hold up and prove my potential but to prove the naysayers wrong and to prove my worth to the woman whom I still love.
Even if it drives me nearly insane in the process.
Take a chance, bide the time and then strike.
That is all.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
>>> Moving forward...
... is all that I can do.
Moving on is not the exact term that can be used for there is not really anything to move on to. Moving forward is more accurate, since no one can ever really cut off their feelings.
But, damn, is it difficult.
Especially when one can't stop thinking about someone who means a helluva lot, even if one doesn't want to think at all. And it doesn't help that it feels like it ended way too soon, too abruptly. Nor do the constant reminders all around one's self.
The feelings of worthlessness and failure are only compounded by what people say. Like how someone who I used to think had my back completely can actually mouth such insensitive things that only serve to make me worse.
Yes, I'm still in an emo-state. Probably will be for a while, I'm not too sure. It's been three weeks, and I still feel damaged.
The whole situation is not fair at all and feels like it hasn't been tied up.
How can two people who love and care for each other not be together? This isn't a movie or a sitcom, it just doesn't really happen in real life. And how does anyone come to the conclusion that the relationship is not going anywhere?
Cripes.
Can you imagine how angry and sad that makes me feel??
Especially when I still love the woman and miss her terribly, when all I want to do is go up to her and hug her to me, holding her close.
Not going to happen anytime soon.
I do not deserve what I'm going through or the way that my mind, and heart, keep getting sent for a spinning loop.
Enough online venting, it doesn't help very much.
I'm gonna go skate.
Have fun, y'all.
And remember, keep your loved ones close.
Moving on is not the exact term that can be used for there is not really anything to move on to. Moving forward is more accurate, since no one can ever really cut off their feelings.
But, damn, is it difficult.
Especially when one can't stop thinking about someone who means a helluva lot, even if one doesn't want to think at all. And it doesn't help that it feels like it ended way too soon, too abruptly. Nor do the constant reminders all around one's self.
The feelings of worthlessness and failure are only compounded by what people say. Like how someone who I used to think had my back completely can actually mouth such insensitive things that only serve to make me worse.
Yes, I'm still in an emo-state. Probably will be for a while, I'm not too sure. It's been three weeks, and I still feel damaged.
The whole situation is not fair at all and feels like it hasn't been tied up.
How can two people who love and care for each other not be together? This isn't a movie or a sitcom, it just doesn't really happen in real life. And how does anyone come to the conclusion that the relationship is not going anywhere?
Cripes.
Can you imagine how angry and sad that makes me feel??
Especially when I still love the woman and miss her terribly, when all I want to do is go up to her and hug her to me, holding her close.
Not going to happen anytime soon.
I do not deserve what I'm going through or the way that my mind, and heart, keep getting sent for a spinning loop.
Enough online venting, it doesn't help very much.
I'm gonna go skate.
Have fun, y'all.
And remember, keep your loved ones close.
Monday, July 06, 2009
>>> Such strange luck...
... that I find something like this, that says so much.
Dedicated to anyone who has ever gone through a break-up or is going through one now.
Lyrics
No one wants to wake up to an empty home
No one ever wants to be alone
It's not so easy to let them go
The ones that you love
Now that you're gone, who will make me smile?
Who will pick me up when I fall down?
Who will be there to tell me right from wrong?
I regret letting you go
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there is no one to bear with me
Everyday I wake up thinking it'll be okay
'Cause you promised me that, you'd come back some day
My heart is throbbing but I will wait
And I'll strive... to stay strong
And I will always miss you
But I can't take it anymore
What if your that one they said
that passed away, oh no
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
And I miss you and love you and I will hold on
And I know there's a chance that you will come back, oh ooh
And I dream of the day that you'd come back home
And I hope that you know
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
Bear with me
No one wants to wake up to an empty home
No one ever wants to be alone
It's not so easy to let them go
The ones that you love
Now that you're gone, who will make me smile?
Who will pick me up when I fall down?
Who will be there to tell me right from wrong?
I regret letting you go
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there is no one to bear with me
Everyday I wake up thinking it'll be okay
'Cause you promised me that, you'd come back some day
My heart is throbbing but I will wait
And I'll strive... to stay strong
And I will always miss you
But I can't take it anymore
What if your that one they said
that passed away, oh no
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
And I miss you and love you and I will hold on
And I know there's a chance that you will come back, oh ooh
And I dream of the day that you'd come back home
And I hope that you know
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
I have this vacancy in my heart
There's just something that's always tearing me apart
I don't know why I ever let you go
Now, there's no one to bear with me
Bear with me
Dedicated to anyone who has ever gone through a break-up or is going through one now.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
>>> This is...
... not going to be done anytime soon.
It's a dark Sunday night, the street lamps are lit, the breeze is a tad btit cold, there's Latin American dance music booming somewhere in the vicinity and, somewhere, a heart sinks further into the dread night of sadness.
No, not mine.
It's already sunk far enough, thank you very much.
Do I miss her? YES. More than can ever be expressed.
Does it hurt and frustrate that I can't even convey how much I love and miss her to her? Oh, most definitely YES.
Is this an obsession? NO. And I can say that rather wholeheartedly. I love that woman, more than anyone before her and, most reliably, anyone after, if there is ever an after.
It's been slightly over a week now... and yet... and yet...
... I would like to do no more than to sink to the ground, curl up in a ball and just DIE.
But, I'm not allowed to. Nor am I able to, anyway. *shrugs* It's a cowardly way out, anyway, but it's just so tempting. Hard being a human being, eh?
I've also come to realize that sleeping at all kinds of strange times is just the body's physical reaction in order to effect a form of escapism for the organism to attempt a form of recovery.
Which doesn't really help.
Pervalidus said that she's probably the most worthwhile woman that I've ever met and been with... and that's probably why I'm not completely over this in comaprison to all my past relationships and women that I've ever dated.
Oh, well...
... looks like the pain and frustration from this dramatic episode of my life is not going to stop for a long, long while.
*wags a finger* And I'm not whining.
At least we're talking, in a fashion, even if it is over the cold, emotionless space of the cybernetic realms. So I guess that I can't complain very much.
*sigh*
I.
MISS.
HER.
Pointblank.
It's a dark Sunday night, the street lamps are lit, the breeze is a tad btit cold, there's Latin American dance music booming somewhere in the vicinity and, somewhere, a heart sinks further into the dread night of sadness.
No, not mine.
It's already sunk far enough, thank you very much.
Do I miss her? YES. More than can ever be expressed.
Does it hurt and frustrate that I can't even convey how much I love and miss her to her? Oh, most definitely YES.
Is this an obsession? NO. And I can say that rather wholeheartedly. I love that woman, more than anyone before her and, most reliably, anyone after, if there is ever an after.
It's been slightly over a week now... and yet... and yet...
... I would like to do no more than to sink to the ground, curl up in a ball and just DIE.
But, I'm not allowed to. Nor am I able to, anyway. *shrugs* It's a cowardly way out, anyway, but it's just so tempting. Hard being a human being, eh?
I've also come to realize that sleeping at all kinds of strange times is just the body's physical reaction in order to effect a form of escapism for the organism to attempt a form of recovery.
Which doesn't really help.
Pervalidus said that she's probably the most worthwhile woman that I've ever met and been with... and that's probably why I'm not completely over this in comaprison to all my past relationships and women that I've ever dated.
Oh, well...
... looks like the pain and frustration from this dramatic episode of my life is not going to stop for a long, long while.
*wags a finger* And I'm not whining.
At least we're talking, in a fashion, even if it is over the cold, emotionless space of the cybernetic realms. So I guess that I can't complain very much.
*sigh*
I.
MISS.
HER.
Pointblank.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
>>> Once again...
... it's over for me.
For us, at an end, of sorts.
The hell.
I'm sitting outside my home, watching the rain fall to the ground in a cleansing sweep. The weather turns my thoughts to her, even when she's all that consumes my mind in the first place.
Sad, neh?
Break-ups royally suck. To the core.
Once again, I'm left eating dirt, finding myself on the ground along that twisted path that is my life with the taste of ash on my tongue.
All that is left to me right now is pain, yet I feel hollow, empty and drained.
And, yet, I still love her. However that over-pouring love has nowhere to go, no channel to run down. So, it's metamorphosized into even more pain, hurt, anguish and torment. It truly feels like my already scarred heart has been ripped from my chest and torn to ribbons.
And, what does everyone say?
Give it time.
Oh, yeah, give it time. SURE. Aren't I already trying to even though it's driving me completely and utterly around the bend? I'm cut off... from a lot of things, her especially.
So, what do I do if the worst comes to pass?
Oh, I don't know, I'm apparently expected to move on. Pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. But to what bloody end? I'm sick and tired of going through the same cycle, of being left behind again and again, of having to carry on even if I'm not "okay".
Feh.
The whole point is that I'm, sadly, the person that needs a reason greater than myself to actually do anything. She was that reason. And, now, she's gone and the blame is laid at my feet, righteously enough.
To me, anything achieved or accomplished in life is hollow without a special someone to share the joy of success with. Sure, I have friends and family to share it with but it isn't the same. You won't wake up to your friends' faces or lay in bed next to them. When you go home, it won't be to them. Even your own family won't be there forever. Parents die in time and siblings move on with their own lives.
At the end of the day, you're on your own, pointblank.
Unless, you have that special someone.
And I need that.
Too bad for me, eh?
Yes, I know that I screwed up, that I made mistakes.
I'm paying the price for those mistakes now. Not even hearing her voice is punishment enough, thank you very much. But doesn't everyone deserve another chance? Especially when they realize how screwed up everything had been and how they messed up??
Love for each other should be enough of a reason to take a chance, a risk even. Otherwise, what's the point of living? But, no, it feels like she's running away.
She has her reasons, regardless of whether they make sense to me or not.
However, not standing and fighting is just sad because the problems and troubles are still here when one comes back.
But that's not here to bitch and whine, so leave all that aside.
IF she truly cuts me out of her life, like some form of cancer, then the last six months have been absolutely meaningless, pointless and worthless. Whatever words were said, whatever deeds were done, become moot and near lies.
And I'm expected to accept all this and move on.
I'm not doing that. Forget it. How can I even do that? It's just not possible, not even for one nanosecond.
I cannot reassure her, I cannot say anything to change her mind since she always makes up her mind before she says anything and trying to change that is like trying to move a mountain with a bent spoon. But I did promise, swear and vow that if it ever does come to pass that we get back together, everything would be different.
Yes, I had my issues, but they were caused by circumstance and situation. I'm not making excuses, but I have been in a very bad and dark place for the last few months, which caused me to become out of control. I accept the responsibility for all that and more. My issues are being dealt with, being put back into whatever dark pit they crawled and slithered out of, to be left there till the end of all time.
So, worst case scenario is that I'm left out in the cold, alone and dead inside.
No more.
If not her, than no one at all.
I can't go through something like this again. I've had it with having my heart ripped out and stomped on, being ground into so much bloody paste.
If things are difficult for her, imagine how hard it is for ME. I feel like I've been thrown back to Square Zero by this whole situation, which feels so blown out of proportion and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
There has to be a chance for reconciliation.
All things come to an end, yes, but don't you think that a sequel should be scheduled, another chance taken?
I can't lose her, that's the honest truth, and yet I already have.
Royally sucks.
I'm done.
Can't go on.
Truly.
Done.
For us, at an end, of sorts.
I'm sitting outside my home, watching the rain fall to the ground in a cleansing sweep. The weather turns my thoughts to her, even when she's all that consumes my mind in the first place.
Sad, neh?
Break-ups royally suck. To the core.
Once again, I'm left eating dirt, finding myself on the ground along that twisted path that is my life with the taste of ash on my tongue.
All that is left to me right now is pain, yet I feel hollow, empty and drained.
And, yet, I still love her. However that over-pouring love has nowhere to go, no channel to run down. So, it's metamorphosized into even more pain, hurt, anguish and torment. It truly feels like my already scarred heart has been ripped from my chest and torn to ribbons.
And, what does everyone say?
Give it time.
Oh, yeah, give it time. SURE. Aren't I already trying to even though it's driving me completely and utterly around the bend? I'm cut off... from a lot of things, her especially.
So, what do I do if the worst comes to pass?
Oh, I don't know, I'm apparently expected to move on. Pick myself up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. But to what bloody end? I'm sick and tired of going through the same cycle, of being left behind again and again, of having to carry on even if I'm not "okay".
Feh.
The whole point is that I'm, sadly, the person that needs a reason greater than myself to actually do anything. She was that reason. And, now, she's gone and the blame is laid at my feet, righteously enough.
To me, anything achieved or accomplished in life is hollow without a special someone to share the joy of success with. Sure, I have friends and family to share it with but it isn't the same. You won't wake up to your friends' faces or lay in bed next to them. When you go home, it won't be to them. Even your own family won't be there forever. Parents die in time and siblings move on with their own lives.
At the end of the day, you're on your own, pointblank.
Unless, you have that special someone.
And I need that.
Too bad for me, eh?
Yes, I know that I screwed up, that I made mistakes.
I'm paying the price for those mistakes now. Not even hearing her voice is punishment enough, thank you very much. But doesn't everyone deserve another chance? Especially when they realize how screwed up everything had been and how they messed up??
Love for each other should be enough of a reason to take a chance, a risk even. Otherwise, what's the point of living? But, no, it feels like she's running away.
She has her reasons, regardless of whether they make sense to me or not.
However, not standing and fighting is just sad because the problems and troubles are still here when one comes back.
But that's not here to bitch and whine, so leave all that aside.
IF she truly cuts me out of her life, like some form of cancer, then the last six months have been absolutely meaningless, pointless and worthless. Whatever words were said, whatever deeds were done, become moot and near lies.
And I'm expected to accept all this and move on.
I'm not doing that. Forget it. How can I even do that? It's just not possible, not even for one nanosecond.
I cannot reassure her, I cannot say anything to change her mind since she always makes up her mind before she says anything and trying to change that is like trying to move a mountain with a bent spoon. But I did promise, swear and vow that if it ever does come to pass that we get back together, everything would be different.
Yes, I had my issues, but they were caused by circumstance and situation. I'm not making excuses, but I have been in a very bad and dark place for the last few months, which caused me to become out of control. I accept the responsibility for all that and more. My issues are being dealt with, being put back into whatever dark pit they crawled and slithered out of, to be left there till the end of all time.
So, worst case scenario is that I'm left out in the cold, alone and dead inside.
No more.
If not her, than no one at all.
I can't go through something like this again. I've had it with having my heart ripped out and stomped on, being ground into so much bloody paste.
If things are difficult for her, imagine how hard it is for ME. I feel like I've been thrown back to Square Zero by this whole situation, which feels so blown out of proportion and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
There has to be a chance for reconciliation.
All things come to an end, yes, but don't you think that a sequel should be scheduled, another chance taken?
I can't lose her, that's the honest truth, and yet I already have.
Royally sucks.
I'm done.
Can't go on.
Truly.
Done.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
>>> [Nothing] much ado about Monday...
... and yet it's important enough to be typed up on Tuesday?
W E I R D .
*laughs*
Monday was good, even if it was my very first official day being unemployed. Yeap, that's right, no longer am I a minion of Starbucks.
I'M A FREE MAN!!! WHOOHOO!!!
Albeit, a soon to be poor free man, but hey, s'all good. *grins impishly* For I have a plan... a plan for WORLD DOMINATION!!! *cue evil laughter track*
But seriously speaking, I'll figure something out, sooner or later. I always do.
You would expect a free man to wake up much later in teh day, having the right to sleep in with impunity. However, this free man right here wakes up at sunrise. Yes, with the sun's rising brilliance and it hitting me square in my face.
I'm still recovering from some damn gastro-intestinal viral infection that I caught last week and the exhaustion caused by a nine-day work stretch, so after keeping my girl, nay, woman company at the doctor's [and I was mad late meeting her 'coz I forgot my wallet, keys and handphone pouch, which had my travel & ATM cards in it, which meant a trip back to my house, a fall down the stairs which banged up my knees and being unable to acquire teh services of a cabby of any kind...], I ended up hanging, and crashing, out at her crib for a bit.
There was a thunder storm of epic proportions.
Followed by a a really orangey, golden-like sunset whose glow seeped into her home. It was gorgeous.
Which had me compose yet another haiku on the way home from the rail station.
MONDAY
Wake to sunrise
Thunder rolls the day
Golden the sunset.
I am mad genius, mwahahaha!
And like the mad genius that I am, I am downloading Igor off the 'Net even though I could probably purchase the darn thing for twenty-nine-ninety-nine. *laughs*
Anyways, I'm off to see the Wizard of Tanglin.
Cheerio!
W E I R D .
*laughs*
Monday was good, even if it was my very first official day being unemployed. Yeap, that's right, no longer am I a minion of Starbucks.
I'M A FREE MAN!!! WHOOHOO!!!
Albeit, a soon to be poor free man, but hey, s'all good. *grins impishly* For I have a plan... a plan for WORLD DOMINATION!!! *cue evil laughter track*
But seriously speaking, I'll figure something out, sooner or later. I always do.
You would expect a free man to wake up much later in teh day, having the right to sleep in with impunity. However, this free man right here wakes up at sunrise. Yes, with the sun's rising brilliance and it hitting me square in my face.
I'm still recovering from some damn gastro-intestinal viral infection that I caught last week and the exhaustion caused by a nine-day work stretch, so after keeping my girl, nay, woman company at the doctor's [and I was mad late meeting her 'coz I forgot my wallet, keys and handphone pouch, which had my travel & ATM cards in it, which meant a trip back to my house, a fall down the stairs which banged up my knees and being unable to acquire teh services of a cabby of any kind...], I ended up hanging, and crashing, out at her crib for a bit.
There was a thunder storm of epic proportions.
Followed by a a really orangey, golden-like sunset whose glow seeped into her home. It was gorgeous.
Which had me compose yet another haiku on the way home from the rail station.
MONDAY
Wake to sunrise
Thunder rolls the day
Golden the sunset.
I am mad genius, mwahahaha!
And like the mad genius that I am, I am downloading Igor off the 'Net even though I could probably purchase the darn thing for twenty-nine-ninety-nine. *laughs*
Anyways, I'm off to see the Wizard of Tanglin.
Cheerio!
Monday, March 02, 2009
>>> Short, three liners...
... and not for use on chicks.
HAHA!
Yeah, yeah, absolute lameness.
But what do you expect from me at almost two in the bloody morning?
ANYWAYS...
... I'm picking up the art of Haikus, so I'm learning and practicing. With the great help of the wide, wonderful internet.
And here's my first piece:
DARK NIGHT
Dark sky like ice
Monsoon rains fall thick
Boundless cold
Hope you all like it! Lemme know what you think, alright?
Thanks and good reading!
Laterz, gaterz!
HAHA!
Yeah, yeah, absolute lameness.
But what do you expect from me at almost two in the bloody morning?
ANYWAYS...
... I'm picking up the art of Haikus, so I'm learning and practicing. With the great help of the wide, wonderful internet.
And here's my first piece:
DARK NIGHT
Dark sky like ice
Monsoon rains fall thick
Boundless cold
Hope you all like it! Lemme know what you think, alright?
Thanks and good reading!
Laterz, gaterz!
>>> Fear not the demons without...
... but the ones within.
MY DEMONS
Upon cold, hard floor
kneeling
Into bright, hot flame
gazing
Beyond the candlelight
demons
Capering in the shadows
nightmares
Terrorizing my soul
fear
Possessing my mind
insanity
The only saving grace
love
Cradled in Her arms
safe
Looking past the darkness
sunrise
MY DEMONS
Upon cold, hard floor
kneeling
Into bright, hot flame
gazing
Beyond the candlelight
demons
Capering in the shadows
nightmares
Terrorizing my soul
fear
Possessing my mind
insanity
The only saving grace
love
Cradled in Her arms
safe
Looking past the darkness
sunrise
Sunday, January 18, 2009
>>> Love and withdrawal...
... are like OH-MY-FAWKING-GAWD.
Yes, I am very much in love with this little woman with a big personality and huge heart named Parnella. And we're still learning stuff about each other, while being very happy together. [Prepare yourselves for drowning in maple syrup!] Being with her makes me the happiest person in the world and just having her being a part of my life makes me the luckiest man, too. She makes me smile, laugh and basically leaves me in joy. Being away from her is like having a cold, skeletal hand just reach into my chest and squeeze really hard, crushing whatever it reaches; but looking at it from another way, it makes me cherish the time I spend with her even more. I have no words to describe properly what she means to me and how much she fills me with love and joy, it's ridiculuous.
Yes, I realize that we both need space and cannot always be together 24/7, but it's perfectly normal to miss her when she's not around, right? So, yeah, I really miss her now. Like really miss her, with like a physical ache. Weird, huh? At least, I know it's not freakish.
Don't we look great together? *laughs*
And about that withdrawal thing...
Yes, I also quit smoking, for several reasons. However, the withdrawal is fucking me over in so many ways that it's not funny. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster coz of it and I'm told that it'll last for about a month at its worst. OH. MY. GOD. I've only been through one week and I already want to curl up into a fetal ball and bawl my eyes out. That, or bash my head continuously against the wall until it cracks open and bleeds all over the place. *shudders* All my negativity stored inside has been torn out from me and squeezed for all its worth by this fucking withdrawal, making me so damn depressed and feeling low about everything, especially about myself.
But I'm seeking help. My love and my friends are standing by me and helping me out while my system detoxes and I go round the bend on this emotional fuckride, and I'll be seeing a counsellor from next Wednesday. My family is putting up with the mood swings and irritability plus the misery that I'm going through, so I guess that's good.
I just wish that I'd stop thinking way too much into things and that I could shut up the little evil voice at the back of my head that keeps hissing all sorts of negative thoughts.
Yes, I feel a bit mental.
But it will end. It has to.
And I will conquer it all, the fear, the misery, the evil voice, EVERYTHING.
*takes a deep breath and exhales slowly*
I can't wait for the withdrawal to end, so I can come out a stronger person and not have to depend on cigarettes anymore.
Nor can I wait for Monday since I'll finally be able to see Her for longer than a few minutes and get to spend some time with her, even IF I'm at work.
I miss Her and I wish that I had her by my side.
*sighs while staring at the clock*
Time crawls by so slowly.
Oh, and Happy New Year, you lot.
I know that I'm absurdly late, but better late than never.
Right?
Right!
Laters, gaters!
Yes, I am very much in love with this little woman with a big personality and huge heart named Parnella. And we're still learning stuff about each other, while being very happy together. [Prepare yourselves for drowning in maple syrup!] Being with her makes me the happiest person in the world and just having her being a part of my life makes me the luckiest man, too. She makes me smile, laugh and basically leaves me in joy. Being away from her is like having a cold, skeletal hand just reach into my chest and squeeze really hard, crushing whatever it reaches; but looking at it from another way, it makes me cherish the time I spend with her even more. I have no words to describe properly what she means to me and how much she fills me with love and joy, it's ridiculuous.
Yes, I realize that we both need space and cannot always be together 24/7, but it's perfectly normal to miss her when she's not around, right? So, yeah, I really miss her now. Like really miss her, with like a physical ache. Weird, huh? At least, I know it's not freakish.
Don't we look great together? *laughs*
And about that withdrawal thing...
Yes, I also quit smoking, for several reasons. However, the withdrawal is fucking me over in so many ways that it's not funny. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster coz of it and I'm told that it'll last for about a month at its worst. OH. MY. GOD. I've only been through one week and I already want to curl up into a fetal ball and bawl my eyes out. That, or bash my head continuously against the wall until it cracks open and bleeds all over the place. *shudders* All my negativity stored inside has been torn out from me and squeezed for all its worth by this fucking withdrawal, making me so damn depressed and feeling low about everything, especially about myself.
But I'm seeking help. My love and my friends are standing by me and helping me out while my system detoxes and I go round the bend on this emotional fuckride, and I'll be seeing a counsellor from next Wednesday. My family is putting up with the mood swings and irritability plus the misery that I'm going through, so I guess that's good.
I just wish that I'd stop thinking way too much into things and that I could shut up the little evil voice at the back of my head that keeps hissing all sorts of negative thoughts.
Yes, I feel a bit mental.
But it will end. It has to.
And I will conquer it all, the fear, the misery, the evil voice, EVERYTHING.
*takes a deep breath and exhales slowly*
I can't wait for the withdrawal to end, so I can come out a stronger person and not have to depend on cigarettes anymore.
Nor can I wait for Monday since I'll finally be able to see Her for longer than a few minutes and get to spend some time with her, even IF I'm at work.
I miss Her and I wish that I had her by my side.
*sighs while staring at the clock*
Time crawls by so slowly.
Oh, and Happy New Year, you lot.
I know that I'm absurdly late, but better late than never.
Right?
Right!
Laters, gaters!
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