The military and my company has not paid me yet so I'm royally broke. I have a grand total of four dollars in the bank and 85 goddamn cents in my pocket. SO, financial stress and woes has decided to run me through with its cruel blade, transfixing my noggin in a royal headache.
But that could be the lack of sleep stabbing needles into my cranium.
Or both.
Cripes.
And then there's the situation at home with everyone's tempers fraying and frustration plus stress mounting as we get closer and closer to the moving date with no help or relief in sight. Which royally kills everything, even the urge to come home. *frowns*
And yet, above all this, the fact that a single young lady (ie. Maple) is not speaking to me in anyway is bothering me more than any of this. Even if I don't have my priorities right, it's still a matter of did I do or say something, or was she spooked? I don't know, honestly at a loss. *sighs* My neighbours, who're counsellors, think that I'm infatuated with Maple and I'm not inclined to disagree. It makes sense, if you stop and think about it. Why else would I be so bothered if she stopped talking to me, ey? *shrugs*
Bad mistake, then.
Perhaps.
However, I really do miss speaking with her, the long conversations and discussions. And she made think, like really think, exercising the grey matter, as it were. *looks skywards* Mister Gee, help a fella out, I need some really good luck here, please?
And to make it feel even stranger, one of the exes starts texting me again. Not that I mind, you understand. It's just that, well, she doesn't talk to me much, if at all, and then suddenly it's pop-goes-the-weasel-out-of-the-blue-jack-in-the-box. Like woah! It's nice, but then again...
It sometimes feel like a conspiracy to make me [or you, if you've ever gone through this yourself] lose our collective minds.
Well, gotta go, this crazy rollercoaster called Life™ never ends.
I'll catch y'all later on the upswing!
... of a damn cigarette.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
>>> When you get mad...
Figuratively speaking, obviously.
Though the thought of literally letting go is kind of tempting, in a twisted, oblivion-would-be-better kind of way.
*sigh*
I am not a weak person, but I cannot stand being continuously worn down by almost everything around me, especially by the parentals. The constant put-downs, belittling speech, sarcastic jokes, the yelling matches, they're all grinding my gears down to so much dust. Eventually I probably won't be able to move from sheer catatonia. I think that they need counselling even more than I do.
My mother seems to believe that I have wasted my life for nothing and that I should've been working for all powerful, ever so great government. Feh. Like they would hire me. I've been rejected so many times, and I really don't need to relive the failure and bitterness of not being hired by telling my mom, who doesn't realize that she would take a a bloody nice potshot at me in the form of a lecture about how much I have screwed up my life, if I told her.
I don't see why I should have to tell her anything at all, in the first place. I don't want to be set-up in a frame for getting voice-blasted to death.
YEESH.
I'm guilty of a great many sins, I'll be the first to admit, but I really, really do not deserve the treatment that I'm receiving from some people, some of whom are supposed to be my friends.
If you don't want to hang with or even talk to me, go ahead and bloody tell me. Hell, if you don't even want me in your life, say so. Be straight with me, even if it hurts, 'coz I'm straight with all of you. I don't deserve nor like to be bloody patronized; don't be nice to me for the sake of being nice, it's so damn hypocritical.
Furthermore, I'm not some plaything that you can pick up, use and then toss aside when you don't have a use for it anymore. I have feelings, too, and I don't take to being used & abused very easily. *glowers*
If you can't tolerate my presence for more than a few minutes, or want to pretend like I don't exist and ignore my sorry ass, go ahead and be my fucking guest. But have the gorram decency to TELL ME first, so I can get out of your fucking way. I don't care if it hurts, you just fucking tell me and I'll be gone. 'Coz that would be a helluva lot better than putting me through the grinder of cold shoulders and indifference that I seemed to be getting showered with right about now. Alright?
'Coz if you don't need or want me, I sure as hell can get along fine without you. Because, that's not even a friendship, it's like a sick game you play with a lost puppy. And I'm no lost puppy, thank you very much. Human being, with feelings, standing over here, hello!?
And I'm a Libran. For those who don't know, one of our great failings is that we don't like not getting along with everyone we meet [and we'd prefer it if everyone likes us, too]. We believe in compromise, balance and harmony, which probably drives us to insanity in trying to achieve.
So, I would rather get along with some people and have them truly like me for who I am, then to be patronized and toyed with. I've lived a bit and I've learnt that I don't need everyone around me to like me. Hell, I don't need that many people around me, either.
SO, you lot just have to say when and leave or stay as you want & wish.
That's all, honestly.
Thank you.
... it may just be time to let go.
Though the thought of literally letting go is kind of tempting, in a twisted, oblivion-would-be-better kind of way.
*sigh*
I am not a weak person, but I cannot stand being continuously worn down by almost everything around me, especially by the parentals. The constant put-downs, belittling speech, sarcastic jokes, the yelling matches, they're all grinding my gears down to so much dust. Eventually I probably won't be able to move from sheer catatonia. I think that they need counselling even more than I do.
My mother seems to believe that I have wasted my life for nothing and that I should've been working for all powerful, ever so great government. Feh. Like they would hire me. I've been rejected so many times, and I really don't need to relive the failure and bitterness of not being hired by telling my mom, who doesn't realize that she would take a a bloody nice potshot at me in the form of a lecture about how much I have screwed up my life, if I told her.
I don't see why I should have to tell her anything at all, in the first place. I don't want to be set-up in a frame for getting voice-blasted to death.
YEESH.
I'm guilty of a great many sins, I'll be the first to admit, but I really, really do not deserve the treatment that I'm receiving from some people, some of whom are supposed to be my friends.
If you don't want to hang with or even talk to me, go ahead and bloody tell me. Hell, if you don't even want me in your life, say so. Be straight with me, even if it hurts, 'coz I'm straight with all of you. I don't deserve nor like to be bloody patronized; don't be nice to me for the sake of being nice, it's so damn hypocritical.
Furthermore, I'm not some plaything that you can pick up, use and then toss aside when you don't have a use for it anymore. I have feelings, too, and I don't take to being used & abused very easily. *glowers*
If you can't tolerate my presence for more than a few minutes, or want to pretend like I don't exist and ignore my sorry ass, go ahead and be my fucking guest. But have the gorram decency to TELL ME first, so I can get out of your fucking way. I don't care if it hurts, you just fucking tell me and I'll be gone. 'Coz that would be a helluva lot better than putting me through the grinder of cold shoulders and indifference that I seemed to be getting showered with right about now. Alright?
'Coz if you don't need or want me, I sure as hell can get along fine without you. Because, that's not even a friendship, it's like a sick game you play with a lost puppy. And I'm no lost puppy, thank you very much. Human being, with feelings, standing over here, hello!?
And I'm a Libran. For those who don't know, one of our great failings is that we don't like not getting along with everyone we meet [and we'd prefer it if everyone likes us, too]. We believe in compromise, balance and harmony, which probably drives us to insanity in trying to achieve.
So, I would rather get along with some people and have them truly like me for who I am, then to be patronized and toyed with. I've lived a bit and I've learnt that I don't need everyone around me to like me. Hell, I don't need that many people around me, either.
SO, you lot just have to say when and leave or stay as you want & wish.
That's all, honestly.
Thank you.
... it may just be time to let go.
>>> Ghostly sounds...
Play both of these together, they complement each other in a rather strange way, it's just so [damn] beautiful.
And if anyone can, could you please mix both these songs together into a single track?
Thanks!
Peace.
... haunt my mind.
Friday, March 25, 2011
>>> Matters of the heart...
It's 4 in the morning and I'm still not asleep. Just read through about five years worth of Red String comic pages as it was a really riveting read. If you're into slice-of-life romantic-type mangas, you should definitely check it out. And it's FREE.
And reading it made me realize that sometimes, no matter how much you may love a person or if a part of you still loves someone, your heart has the capacity for so much more. So much so, it may seem that the heart is such a fickle thing.
Having to move on bites. It does, I won't lie to you. The memories will always be there, the love will always remain, the affection and everything else lingers on in your bloodstream, and it will always follow you. Sometimes it's a matter of acceptance, often times of time & healing. But you may sometimes feel guilt and treasonous when your heart turns to another, like you're betraying the love that you have for that one from past.
I'm not sure if it's momentary, I'm not sure if it's rare, but I do know that it does happen.
You'll eventually come to terms with the feelings rolling around inside and may even find someone who understands you... or someone who will give you what you need. The love, affection, support and dependability that you deserve, like you give unconditionally in the first place.
The only thing one can do in the meantime is take things slow and try to keep your head up above the waves.
And perhaps pray for a miracle of some kind.
*laughs softly*
Love is a miracle all by itself.
I wish you all much happiness.
And I pray for all of us.
Peace.
... are ever so complicated.
And reading it made me realize that sometimes, no matter how much you may love a person or if a part of you still loves someone, your heart has the capacity for so much more. So much so, it may seem that the heart is such a fickle thing.
Having to move on bites. It does, I won't lie to you. The memories will always be there, the love will always remain, the affection and everything else lingers on in your bloodstream, and it will always follow you. Sometimes it's a matter of acceptance, often times of time & healing. But you may sometimes feel guilt and treasonous when your heart turns to another, like you're betraying the love that you have for that one from past.
I'm not sure if it's momentary, I'm not sure if it's rare, but I do know that it does happen.
You'll eventually come to terms with the feelings rolling around inside and may even find someone who understands you... or someone who will give you what you need. The love, affection, support and dependability that you deserve, like you give unconditionally in the first place.
The only thing one can do in the meantime is take things slow and try to keep your head up above the waves.
And perhaps pray for a miracle of some kind.
*laughs softly*
Love is a miracle all by itself.
I wish you all much happiness.
And I pray for all of us.
Peace.
... are ever so complicated.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
>>> Let the sleeping dogs lie...
Things change.
They always do.
So take your time to adapt, don't rush. There's nothing to be gained by rushing into change. Except perhaps a migraine and a ton of stress.
Then you'd need a bottle of the good stuff.
And if people want to ignore you, being cold like the frozen tundra, you don't really need 'em, now do you? But then again, maybe they need some space, so you should leave them to it and see what happens. *shrugs* Que sera sera?
Cross your fingers and hope for the best, I suppose. 'Specially since a'most more than 50% of life is beyond any person's control and completely up to the Fates [or God(s), if it makes you feel better].
There's only so much you can fight before you feel that it's all pointless and beyond tiring. Then, all you'd want is to curl up and sleep like the dead, ignoring the whole world even if a nuclear winter enveloped it in a storm of irradiated ash and dust.
Trudge on down the path, hack down the thorns, embrace the pain when the waylaying gets you, take it, let it fuel your dragging feet, kick up the dust behind you, burn the bridges that you cross and basically be a bad-ass till you get home.
And don't ever blog after taking heavy meds and/or some alcohol.
We love you all!
*HIC!*
Now, fug off.
Please.
*HOC!*
<3
... and try not to be a jumpy fox.
They always do.
So take your time to adapt, don't rush. There's nothing to be gained by rushing into change. Except perhaps a migraine and a ton of stress.
Then you'd need a bottle of the good stuff.
And if people want to ignore you, being cold like the frozen tundra, you don't really need 'em, now do you? But then again, maybe they need some space, so you should leave them to it and see what happens. *shrugs* Que sera sera?
Cross your fingers and hope for the best, I suppose. 'Specially since a'most more than 50% of life is beyond any person's control and completely up to the Fates [or God(s), if it makes you feel better].
There's only so much you can fight before you feel that it's all pointless and beyond tiring. Then, all you'd want is to curl up and sleep like the dead, ignoring the whole world even if a nuclear winter enveloped it in a storm of irradiated ash and dust.
Trudge on down the path, hack down the thorns, embrace the pain when the waylaying gets you, take it, let it fuel your dragging feet, kick up the dust behind you, burn the bridges that you cross and basically be a bad-ass till you get home.
And don't ever blog after taking heavy meds and/or some alcohol.
We love you all!
*HIC!*
Now, fug off.
Please.
*HOC!*
<3
... and try not to be a jumpy fox.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
>>> The future isn't exactly impossible...
Perhaps.
So, this morning, with much anxiety and fear held like a ball waiting to explode inside my chest, I went to see Purple, to tell her how I felt and still feel about her.
No, I didn't ask her to "patch up" and get back together.
It's like I said a while ago, sometimes you just settle for second-best and hang in there. She was really cool about it, heard me out without freaking out. I'm not sure if she still has feelings for me, but I sense that there's something there. BUT, I'm not pushing it, she and I will remain friends, and hopefully we hang out more often and just chill coz that's what I miss the most now. Well, kind of. *shrugs*
It may be awkward, but it's what we can have for now, so I'm just grateful for that.
Who knows? Maybe things will change or shift. One never knows. *a hopeful look skywards* Help me out here, Big Gee!
Now, I just have to deal with always wanting to just hold her when I see or I'm around her. *sigh*
The future isn't impossible.
Hold on to your hopes, keep the faith, dream big, and reach for what you want!
And, while you're at it, pray for me.
Thanks.
... so perhaps there is hope.
So, this morning, with much anxiety and fear held like a ball waiting to explode inside my chest, I went to see Purple, to tell her how I felt and still feel about her.
No, I didn't ask her to "patch up" and get back together.
It's like I said a while ago, sometimes you just settle for second-best and hang in there. She was really cool about it, heard me out without freaking out. I'm not sure if she still has feelings for me, but I sense that there's something there. BUT, I'm not pushing it, she and I will remain friends, and hopefully we hang out more often and just chill coz that's what I miss the most now. Well, kind of. *shrugs*
It may be awkward, but it's what we can have for now, so I'm just grateful for that.
Who knows? Maybe things will change or shift. One never knows. *a hopeful look skywards* Help me out here, Big Gee!
Now, I just have to deal with always wanting to just hold her when I see or I'm around her. *sigh*
The future isn't impossible.
Hold on to your hopes, keep the faith, dream big, and reach for what you want!
And, while you're at it, pray for me.
Thanks.
... so perhaps there is hope.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
>>> The sun rises in the east...
It's hard not to want to head out to Japan and volunteer to help. Especially when a friend or two are in Japan and there is so much information pouring out of the region that it's a near overload and seemingly almost vague.
But then again, I've been pretty known to want to help people, so it may just be in my nature to want to volunteer and, basically, help.
That being said, anyone know where I sign up to volunteer and whatnot?
*awkward silence*
Carrying on...
And I really cannot believe the absolute shite that is coming out of people from so many places over "crimes and atrocities committed by Japan" from over half a century ago!
I mean, seriously, what is wrong with you lot!?
The PEOPLE responsible for all of that are long gone and so much dust. You cannot hold an entire nation responsible for the actions of a few, especially from over 60 years ago! Because if that's the case, we should be making Germany suffer for everything they did during the Second World War and through the Cold War, for fuck's sake.
So, what if their military during World War II bombed the living bejeezus out of Pearl Harbour? They struck mostly military targets.
And even with all the vileness that the Japanese Imperial Army perpetrated during their Occupation, you don't see many of us Asians saying that they deserve it for their "past crimes".
For Christ's sake, the Yanks dropped not one but TWO atomic bombs on civilian-filled cities. AND then crippled them economically with the peace treaties. That outdoes what happened at Pearl Harbour and more than makes up for it. Many Japanese feel shame for it enough as it is.
BOTTOM LINE: The Japanese are PEOPLE and deserve our sympathies. I really do not think that they were celebrating and all "thats-what-you-deserve" when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and its surrounds, do you? Maybe the Taliban were in their caves, but I higly doubt that the Japanese were celebrating in their homes.
GIVE 'EM A BREAK AND SHARE YOUR HEARTS, PEOPLE.
Do something to make a difference.
GO!
... and prayers & hearts go out to Japan in their time of crisis.
But then again, I've been pretty known to want to help people, so it may just be in my nature to want to volunteer and, basically, help.
That being said, anyone know where I sign up to volunteer and whatnot?
*awkward silence*
Carrying on...
And I really cannot believe the absolute shite that is coming out of people from so many places over "crimes and atrocities committed by Japan" from over half a century ago!
I mean, seriously, what is wrong with you lot!?
The PEOPLE responsible for all of that are long gone and so much dust. You cannot hold an entire nation responsible for the actions of a few, especially from over 60 years ago! Because if that's the case, we should be making Germany suffer for everything they did during the Second World War and through the Cold War, for fuck's sake.
So, what if their military during World War II bombed the living bejeezus out of Pearl Harbour? They struck mostly military targets.
And even with all the vileness that the Japanese Imperial Army perpetrated during their Occupation, you don't see many of us Asians saying that they deserve it for their "past crimes".
For Christ's sake, the Yanks dropped not one but TWO atomic bombs on civilian-filled cities. AND then crippled them economically with the peace treaties. That outdoes what happened at Pearl Harbour and more than makes up for it. Many Japanese feel shame for it enough as it is.
BOTTOM LINE: The Japanese are PEOPLE and deserve our sympathies. I really do not think that they were celebrating and all "thats-what-you-deserve" when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and its surrounds, do you? Maybe the Taliban were in their caves, but I higly doubt that the Japanese were celebrating in their homes.
GIVE 'EM A BREAK AND SHARE YOUR HEARTS, PEOPLE.
Do something to make a difference.
GO!
... and prayers & hearts go out to Japan in their time of crisis.
Monday, March 14, 2011
>>> Simplicity borne...
Yet again, my brain works through weird patterns and creates something out of just the line "Can't shake the misery, I need a stiff drink tonight", which came off of Twitter, of all places.
*laughs*
Inspiration comes from all kinds of places, doesn't it?
This took me almost a week to complete its creation, and it's such a monster. One that I'm rather proud of. (I feel like such a proud mad scientist! *laughs*) Now to scribe sheets of notes and weave magic to create its dissonant melody.
A Bombshell in Parliament
:: (A Stiff Drink) Tonight ::
"Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
It’s killing
It's killing me
It’s killing me
It’s killing me inside that
you don’t care at all (anymore).
It’s tearing me up inside that
I can’t say I miss you.
So, let's get drunk tonight
And will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home tonight.)
So, let's get high tonight
And will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home tonight.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
Empty beds make for empty heads,
No dreams as the darkness screams.
Tell me, baby, is this what you wanted?
To leave us alone and so haunted?
(Tell me!)
It’s killing
It's killing me
It’s killing me
It’s killing me inside that
you don’t care at all (anymore).
It’s tearing me up inside that
I can’t say I love you.
So, let's get drunk and
will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home.)
So, let's get high and
will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
So, let's get drunk and
will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home.)
So, let's get high and
will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight)."
After all, we all could use a stiff drink.
Have a good one, mates!
... of heartaches and heavy drinking.
*laughs*
Inspiration comes from all kinds of places, doesn't it?
This took me almost a week to complete its creation, and it's such a monster. One that I'm rather proud of. (I feel like such a proud mad scientist! *laughs*) Now to scribe sheets of notes and weave magic to create its dissonant melody.
A Bombshell in Parliament
:: (A Stiff Drink) Tonight ::
"Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
It’s killing
It's killing me
It’s killing me
It’s killing me inside that
you don’t care at all (anymore).
It’s tearing me up inside that
I can’t say I miss you.
So, let's get drunk tonight
And will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home tonight.)
So, let's get high tonight
And will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home tonight.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
Empty beds make for empty heads,
No dreams as the darkness screams.
Tell me, baby, is this what you wanted?
To leave us alone and so haunted?
(Tell me!)
It’s killing
It's killing me
It’s killing me
It’s killing me inside that
you don’t care at all (anymore).
It’s tearing me up inside that
I can’t say I love you.
So, let's get drunk and
will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home.)
So, let's get high and
will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight).
So, let's get drunk and
will you take me home?
(Take me, take me home.)
So, let's get high and
will you follow me home?
(Follow me, follow me home.)
Oh, baby,
I can’t shake the misery,
I need a stiff drink tonight
So, let's get high and drunk
(Tonight, tonight, tonight)."
After all, we all could use a stiff drink.
Have a good one, mates!
... of heartaches and heavy drinking.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
>>> Inspired by time...
I stole a glance at my clock this morning with sleep-drugged eyes and saw the time reading of 1001. Which reminded me strangely of binary coding which then set-off the fuse for an explosive idea of lyrics lit up in luminous green.
This is dedicated to all codemonkeys, gamers and geeks who've ever fallen asleep at their computers, their computer screens still glowing and to the weather that can never seem to make up its mind.
One day, these lyrics will see the brilliance of a composed score upon sheets of velvet-like vellum.
*laughs*
A Bombshell in Parliament
:: Binary Mornings ::
"The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
Ten-oh-one,
Like coded binary,
It's the morning already,
Grey skies like the English fly,
sunlight blinded and stumbling aye,
open crusted, bleary eyes
GOOD MORNING!
The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Fading dreams and waking screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Fading screams and waking dreams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
We're up, the screen's on again."
I love the mornings, even though I'm not much of a morning person.
Hello, sunrise!
... and the post-rock screams of fading dreamscapes.
This is dedicated to all codemonkeys, gamers and geeks who've ever fallen asleep at their computers, their computer screens still glowing and to the weather that can never seem to make up its mind.
One day, these lyrics will see the brilliance of a composed score upon sheets of velvet-like vellum.
*laughs*
A Bombshell in Parliament
:: Binary Mornings ::
"The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
Ten-oh-one,
Like coded binary,
It's the morning already,
Grey skies like the English fly,
sunlight blinded and stumbling aye,
open crusted, bleary eyes
GOOD MORNING!
The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Fading dreams and waking screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
The alarm's shrill and screams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Fading screams and waking dreams
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Play! Play! PLAY!
We're up, the screen's on again."
I love the mornings, even though I'm not much of a morning person.
Hello, sunrise!
... and the post-rock screams of fading dreamscapes.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
>>> Like an imminent explosion...
Waking up to the feeling of wanting to be curled up in a foetal position and dying under a rock is not fun.
At all.
Seriously.
And then to feel like something was trying to explode out of my chest wasn't funny in the least. Suffice to say that getting out of bed today was a supreme effort in of itself.
I need a stiff drink, these feelings of frustration and misery, I can't shake them. So, perhaps drowning them would be better. In vodka. Or b33r. How I wish that I was in Sydney now... Away from this place, with so many memories that sting and hurt yet I have to bear with a rictus grin.
*sighs deeply*
How is it even possible to still be in love with a woman who broke up with you ages upon ages ago? To still have her constantly on your mind? To feel like you're empty without her, to hate the thought of her being with someone else? Especially if it's someone whom you might know?
[Trust me, it's happened that way for most of my exes, they'll end up with someone I know 3 times out of five]
Postscript: For the ladies and others, just bend the genders to accomodate your leanings.
*shakes head violently*
I don't know whether it would be acceptable to tell her the thoughts in my head. AND even if it was, when and how would I tell her??
Frustrating.
And the one thing in this whole bundle of joyous messiness that makes sense is this:
Grieve and let live.
And try to not let it devour you from the inside out.
... keeping calm like a bomb.
At all.
Seriously.
And then to feel like something was trying to explode out of my chest wasn't funny in the least. Suffice to say that getting out of bed today was a supreme effort in of itself.
I need a stiff drink, these feelings of frustration and misery, I can't shake them. So, perhaps drowning them would be better. In vodka. Or b33r. How I wish that I was in Sydney now... Away from this place, with so many memories that sting and hurt yet I have to bear with a rictus grin.
*sighs deeply*
How is it even possible to still be in love with a woman who broke up with you ages upon ages ago? To still have her constantly on your mind? To feel like you're empty without her, to hate the thought of her being with someone else? Especially if it's someone whom you might know?
[Trust me, it's happened that way for most of my exes, they'll end up with someone I know 3 times out of five]
Postscript: For the ladies and others, just bend the genders to accomodate your leanings.
*shakes head violently*
I don't know whether it would be acceptable to tell her the thoughts in my head. AND even if it was, when and how would I tell her??
Frustrating.
And the one thing in this whole bundle of joyous messiness that makes sense is this:
"Sometimes, even though you're [still] in love with someone, you just have to settle for second best by being just friends."
Grieve and let live.
And try to not let it devour you from the inside out.
... keeping calm like a bomb.
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