Yes, I am very much in love with this little woman with a big personality and huge heart named Parnella. And we're still learning stuff about each other, while being very happy together. [Prepare yourselves for drowning in maple syrup!] Being with her makes me the happiest person in the world and just having her being a part of my life makes me the luckiest man, too. She makes me smile, laugh and basically leaves me in joy. Being away from her is like having a cold, skeletal hand just reach into my chest and squeeze really hard, crushing whatever it reaches; but looking at it from another way, it makes me cherish the time I spend with her even more. I have no words to describe properly what she means to me and how much she fills me with love and joy, it's ridiculuous.
Yes, I realize that we both need space and cannot always be together 24/7, but it's perfectly normal to miss her when she's not around, right? So, yeah, I really miss her now. Like really miss her, with like a physical ache. Weird, huh? At least, I know it's not freakish.
Don't we look great together? *laughs*
And about that withdrawal thing...
Yes, I also quit smoking, for several reasons. However, the withdrawal is fucking me over in so many ways that it's not funny. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster coz of it and I'm told that it'll last for about a month at its worst. OH. MY. GOD. I've only been through one week and I already want to curl up into a fetal ball and bawl my eyes out. That, or bash my head continuously against the wall until it cracks open and bleeds all over the place. *shudders* All my negativity stored inside has been torn out from me and squeezed for all its worth by this fucking withdrawal, making me so damn depressed and feeling low about everything, especially about myself.
But I'm seeking help. My love and my friends are standing by me and helping me out while my system detoxes and I go round the bend on this emotional fuckride, and I'll be seeing a counsellor from next Wednesday. My family is putting up with the mood swings and irritability plus the misery that I'm going through, so I guess that's good.
I just wish that I'd stop thinking way too much into things and that I could shut up the little evil voice at the back of my head that keeps hissing all sorts of negative thoughts.
Yes, I feel a bit mental.
But it will end. It has to.
And I will conquer it all, the fear, the misery, the evil voice, EVERYTHING.
*takes a deep breath and exhales slowly*
I can't wait for the withdrawal to end, so I can come out a stronger person and not have to depend on cigarettes anymore.
Nor can I wait for Monday since I'll finally be able to see Her for longer than a few minutes and get to spend some time with her, even IF I'm at work.
I miss Her and I wish that I had her by my side.
*sighs while staring at the clock*
Time crawls by so slowly.
Oh, and Happy New Year, you lot.
I know that I'm absurdly late, but better late than never.
Right?
Right!
Laters, gaters!
