>>> The strain of the present with the weight of the past.

Hit a low point over the weekend, present life seems to be pressing down rather hard on my shoulders. That, and the weight of my past hung off of it. Damn the shoulder injury since it can't take the strain as much as it used to and this burden weighs like a one-ton bitch. ^{Thank the Gods for Pervalidus, he pulled me partially out of my funk, that deep pit of darkness and despair that I keep sliding into every once in a while.} So, everything's on me now; I just have to find a way to deal with it all without cracking. And as Pervalidus says, and I quote, if I can't find a way, I'll make one. Somehow.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't sound too convincing, now do I?

Well, whatever. I have to do it. I gotta find an interim job, mebbe something that'll tide me over, keep me out of the house and out of my baby girl's way so that She doesn't feel smothered and suffocated. *shrug* And I have truly no idea why I'm behaving like this where She's concerned, I'm not usually a dependent-type boyfriend. So, yeah, a step back is definitely required, which is what I'm doing.

Oh, another coupla reasons to get a job: to tire myself out so I can finally sleep properly since I haven't been getting any real sleep for weeks now, and so that I can avoid babysitting my youngest god-brother. Not that he's a pain, he's a good kid, really. It's just that I think my pseudo-godmom has found a place to drop him so she can hang with her new beau. Yeap, that's my honest opinion.

And thank the Gods that she doesn't have my blog's address. Whew.

And it looks like I'm gonna get shelled by mom again. No surprise there, though. Mom's not too happy with the fact my godmom is taking advantage of our hospitality and offloading Atha on us for the past couple of weeks. And she's at her dodgy-est ever, too. Ridiculous, really. Her new boytoy is more important than her son? Get real.

AND my mom still has no idea that I have a girlfriend yet. Nor the fact that it's the girl Pervalidus is in love with. ^{He will NOT be forgiving me for the foreseeable future, even IF he's still talking to me.} Oh, the fireworks and absolute artillery barrage when my mom eventually finds out. And she will find out eventually, just you wait and see.

Thank the Gods that my own mother doesn't have my blog address, too! Haha!!

So, I'm off for now, I have a mission today: to apply for work as a Barista at the Starbucks outlet in Thomson Plaza. After that, I have to decide whether I want to hit ViD, where She's working today. I love Schakatze, I really do.

Therefore, I do not want to lose her through any fault of mine.

Laterz, wheezerz.

^{Resistance is Futile ver.1.4.0.kai
Ver 1.4.3 Step Up 2 : Final Dance}

^{Exitunes Wallpaper}

^{<3 For my baby girl. <3}

>>> Another friend leaves the green fields of Terra...

It's been almost a week since Shun's passing and I'm only sitting here now because I have to do his memory justice, and lament the loss of another great soul who believed in living life the way you want to.

It's been nearly a week, and yet I've still been struggling to deal with the sense of loss and the small void that's he left. It's true that you never realize how much a person means to you until s/he is gone.

I'm at a loss to describe what he meant to me as a friend, to explain what he taught me while I knew him. To even say how great a guy he was. And it's not unbelievable that I can't because, well, there aren't words that would truly do him justice.

I actually miss the 'bastard', even his dirty jokes that can cause the putrefaction of the cerebral mass. The knowledge of games that he had was unbelievable and he actually indulged my 'insanities' & listened to me. And such a talented gamer, his understanding of games was nearly on a god-like plane. The first to Brigadier General in BF2142, first to Commander in CoD4 and the one man I know that has played nearly every game on the face of the planet.

And he was like the combination of an uncle and a brother figure in ViD, a veritable institution of ViD, and I know that he will be sorely missed by all. By some more than others, of course, as with all.

Even if he is probably somewhere up in the heavens, or, God forbid, down in hell having a cold one with the demons [and most probably having quite a number of those luscious succubi sidled up to him], watching us and saying "You noobs, what the fuck do you think you're doing!?" while laughing his head off.

*screams* It's too soon and too sudden, goddammit. It's not right, nor is it fair, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!!!

But then again, when has anything ever really been fair, eh, noob?

I wish I could write more, but I think that I'm in danger of breaking down, so I'm gonna end it here.

Farewell, Shun; may we meet again, somehow, somewhere, somewhen.

*sigh*

^{Resistance is futile ver.1.4.0.kai
Ver 1.4.2 Silly Fools - No Regrets [by Randis Albion]}

_{86 funerals and counting... 'twill only end 'pon my own.
But 'til then, my friends, I'll live the way that I want.}

>>> Slanguage 101

The Uncommon Terms for Computing Hardware and their Correct Applications

Cy-Rig (sī-rig) or C-Rig (sē-rig), n. jargon a term originating from most forms of cyberpunk genre games (eg. Shadowrun), it refers to any form of computer custom or purpose built to suit the end-user's need(s); commonly called "rig".

C-Deck (sē-dek), n. jargon a term originating from most forms of cyberpunk genre games (eg. Shadowrun), it refers to personal computers that are portable and possess [usually] one or more forms of connectivity; commonly called "deck", and is often confused with the skateboarder's usage of the same term.

>>> Resistance is futile ver.1.4.0.kai

Ver 1.4.0 Basshunter - Vi sitter i Ventrilo och spelar DotA


Ver 1.4.1 Vocaloid - Kurutto, Odotte, Hatsune Miku (Nendoroid Version)

>>> A curtain of dark mood descends...

... and a poet most dark takes to the stage.

Darkness spreads across the heart
Like poison it splinters to shards
Piercing through and through
The soul bathes in moods most dark
Rage and sorrow intermingles, entwined
Sowing the fields with salt and bones
Visions of Death cross the eyes
There is no peace for the body of self
Misery abhors not the company
Thus is the vast cloak of shadows
Cast over the world that surrounds
My misery made yours and yours mine
The dance of desolate sadness
Sweeps all but darkness before it

Kuro : Curtain of Dark Moods