>>> I wish that...

... I didn't still miss you.
... I didn't still want you.
... I didn't still need you.
... I didn't still love you.
... I didn't have my demons.
... I hadn't smothered you.
... I wasn't so miserable without you.
... I wasn't incomplete without you.
... I could stop thinking about you.
... I could cease dreaming of you.
... I could let go.
... I didn't feel so alone and lost, even while surrounded by colleagues, friends and family.
... that all the memories would stop flooding me everywhere that I go.
... my mind could move on.
... my heart didn't believe that it can't go on without you.
... my soul didn't feel empty and hollow.
... electric shivers didn't race through me whenever I see or hear you.
... I could call you and hear your voice without going to pieces.
... this wasn't driving me crazy.
... it didn't hurt so damn much.
... I hadn't screwed up.
... I had listened properly.
... I had been the man that you deserved and needed.
... I had the chance to be that man, because I know I can be.
... I could tell you, on bended knees and to your face, how much I love you and how sorry that I am.
... we could try again.
... I talk to you for hours and hours about anything and everything like we used to.
... I could walk up to you, pull each other close, wrapping our arms around each other and soak in our essences till our very beings were filled to bursting and light-headed with our shared love, floating above the world.
... we were lying in bed next to each other, hands entwined as I watch you sleep peacefully, contentment glowing on your face as your luscious hair tickles my face while we're snuggled up together.
... I was safe, cradled in your arms again.
... I hadn't made you feel the way you do now.
... all the terrible things hadn't happened.
... you would give me another chance.
... I knew the right way to go.
... I could make things right.
... I could prove myself to you.
... we were together, as friends, lovers and everything it's possible to be.

I STILL MISS, WANT, NEED AND LOVE YOU.
I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF YOU.
I ONLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
I WANT TO BE THE MAN THAT YOU DESERVE.
I KNOW I CAN BE THAT MAN.
I JUST NEED A CHANCE AND TIME.
I WISH FOR A MIRACLE.
I WISH FOR YOU.

^{I'm going crazy, if I'm not already.}