>>> Parental advisory ...

... they will drive you MAD.

I realize that I have come very close to hating my immediate family. And it probably stems from deep seated resentment of my middle brother and, through him, my parents. Or maybe even without him, I'd still resent my parents. *shrug* The point is that I resent almost the whole lot of them. There is no free conversation in this household, no one tells anyone what's happening in their lives unless they get something out of it, in a personal way. Or unless they want to gloat or boast or show-off.

No one even expresses their love for the others, in any way. My own mother can get annoyed or find it so weird when I hug her.

My parents have no faith in me. But I'm expected to perform all the duties of an eldest son and brother, but for no reward or anything for myself. There is no respect, my dignity is stripped constantly, even when my friends are here. They give no "face" and they offer no peace. Everything is some umbrage to be taken up against me, something that I did wrong, that I'm too stupid to have known, etcetera, etcetera.

But I'm expected to function like a cog in their oh-so wonderful system.

Maybe I'm just a cog, and not human anymore... after all, my feelings are never considered within these walls. My mother especially constantly nitpick and drags up the past, often rubbing it my face that I'm a failure compared to my brothers and that my talents will never bring me money since they're "unmarketable". Just the best kind of things to hear from your own parents, right? *sarcastic venom drips down and burns holes in the floor* Such bloody wonderful things. And the sins of the parents will be carried on in their get... so I unknowingly put a bunch of people through what my parents do, with dragging up the past and being such a nitpicker. FUCK.

So can I really be blamed for wanting to stay away from them? For not wanting to help them?? For not wanting to be staying with them any longer???

But I have nowhere else to go, at all. Not without being a burden to anyone.

And the one person who... nevermind, suffice to say, I feel abandoned. Tossed aside like so much trash. She obviously doesn't care, right?

And I'm expected to not have issues. Oh, gee, really. Who the fuck has faith in me? Not my family... or you could say that they have faith in the fact that I will screw up in the end, as always. Thanks, mom! Thanks, dad!

FUCK.

FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!

TWENTY-EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AND YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN BLOODY SON. WELL FUCKING DONE, MY WONDERFUL PARENTS.

Hope you're proud of the screw-up you have for a son.

Oh, wait, I forgot, you're NOT. Don't know whether you ever have been and probably never will be. BRILLIANT.

Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.

*kicks an imaginary can down the field*

Just brilliant.